Wrecked

This poem was written one sunday, when I was thinking about how much grad school has torn me down, and built me up at times as well, but mostly torn  me down. It is also in reference to how I feel my writing is the only place I can express myself at times, which sometimes makes it feel like a cage.

Wrecked

Wrecked
Is what I
Am lying on the floor
Broken open and
Spilling all my soul
Onto a paper
Cage

Ink
Dripping, my blood
Pooling, loops and swirls
Letters form in my
Hand stretched out
Desperate for a
Touch

Lost
Holding on to false
Hopes and shattered
Dreams in the night
Filling my head with
All I could be is
Gone

Six

I wrote this today. For those who know what is going on in my life, my mother was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer this weekend. It was discovered when she went in for a hernia surgery, and it was totally unexpected. I have been able to process a bit now, but it was a shock and devastating news. Anyway, I wrote this about that experience. Thanks for reading.




Six

Six letters
Previously insignificant
And my world has crashed
Around me
My heart is ripped in two

Be strong
Keep hope
They say

Six letters
Useless without
The context to break me
My soul
Is screaming out for reason

Don't dwell
Stay positive
They say

Six letters
Hit me
In bits and pieces
In lines and moments
Only Processing
I only feel them in glimpses

It's Ovarian
Then chemo
They say

Six letters
The world
I thought I knew
Is nothing that I ever knew
For you
I will be strong

I pray
I love
I say

Scarred

Here is another poem. It's been awhile. Did anyone tell you that grad school was going to be hard? Guess I didn't get the memo, lol. Anyway, working on my thesis, so poetry gets put on the back burner a bit, but the other day I had some time at work and busted this little depressing gem out. Enjoy.

Scarred

Love haunts every part of me
Its absence is louder than I've ever heard
My heart feels hollowed out
And pushed
From every side, crumbling
I am desperate
To fill cracks and mend holes

Love is not real in me
A character in a book, or an imaginary friend
I hope it's there
I dream
But it has never laid a hand on me
I have never felt
The rush and the sting of love

I know only the empty ache
The pain and desperation of not love
I am an outsider
Only watching
While others live and fall
I feel only the bitter nothingness
Of never having tasted love

I am laid desperately bare
Begging for a thing I can only feel
In bits of others' dialogue
In glances
Only others share
I leech, sucking love from other souls
It never reaches mine

Their love never touches my heart
I am merely an observer
A facade of reflected smiles
I am empty
Underneath it all, I am untouched
And somehow I am still
Scarred by love